"All the ladies in the house say yeah. (Yeah) C'mon you motha fuckas say a prayer. (Prayer) When you fight, you got to fights FAIR. You motha fucka, HEY, you motha fucka. You know what time it is .... Tenacious D time, you mother fucker! Fuck yeaaah!"

"Never for a second did I think of myself as the sexiest guy in the world. When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then, the fastest runner and then the smartest person in the world. One by one my delusions got shut down. Now I just see myself as the lamest guy in the world."

"If I was to say just one thing tonight? I'd say set the artist free. I'm talking about this artist - in here. [points to his heart] Set it free! I'm saying ... quit your day job. Now I know what you're saying: 'I can't quit my day job. I've got kids to feed, Jack.' [pause] Quit your day job. Focus on your craft. One time. Before it's all over. You've squandered it ... you fucking ROBOTS!"

On co- starring with Gwenyth Paltrow for the first time in SHALLOW HAL (2001): "You know, I WAS a little afraid that she would fall head-over-heels in love with me, like she did [when co-starring] with Brad (Pitt) in SEVEN."

On filming the love scene in SHALLOW HAL: "It was just strictly professional. It was like a doctor or a carpenter plying his trade. I received no pleasure whatsoever.... I requested 32 takes for the perfection of the craft."